5 Excuses For Not Fixing Your Family’s Computer

Thanksgiving is quickly approaching, and for most people that means a grand dinner with the family filled with cheer and good food. Unless, that is, your family knows you’re a computer tech guy, in which it means that you’re going to be hit up for advice and service in the same way your doctor sister and car mechanic brother are.

In light of this, here are 5 handy (if extreme) excuses that you can use to get out of fixing that family computer while the rest of your family enjoys their turkey dinner:

1. Alien Invasion Excuse – “Oh, I can’t touch that computer. See, I’m saving my skills for when we’re invaded by an extraterrestrial army of alien creatures bent on our destruction, who just happen to run their saucers on an operating system I can easily hack using my Apple MacBook.”
2. Lawsuit Excuse – “Unfortunately, I’m no longer legally allowed to fix computers. You see, the virus and spyware makers got together and sued me for being too anti-competitive for their business. Turns out the judge who heard the case loves pop-up ads!”
3. Amnesia Excuse – “I would love to fix your computer, but you see, I was in this tragic blimp accident a few months ago. I came out with a pretty nasty bump on the head, and ever since then, I can’t remember a single thing about fixing computers. The doctors say it’s the darndest thing!”
4. Cycle of Life Excuse – “Remember when they were trying to explain to Simba in the Lion King that everything has it’s time and place? This is the same thing, except it’s your computer that we’re going to let pass on instead of your lion dad.”
5. The Bright Side of Life Excuse – “You know how dad is always complaining about all that spam email he keeps getting? Think of not fixing your computer as the best way to stop that problem.”

Of course, most of these excuses are only going to end in pain when you have to deal with your family later.